


where you'll find me

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: remember my last [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angel America, Angst and Feels, Awake And Alive, Da feels, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Heaven, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mafia Romano, OTP Feels, Oh My God, Pirate Spain, Songfic, What Have I Done, all da feels, implied End of the World, possibly, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3247304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Romano's life hasn't been the best, but at least he fell in love.<br/>He'll wait forever for Spain...After all, in heaven, what else are you to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	where you'll find me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astrarisks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrarisks/gifts), [TheGoliathBeetle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoliathBeetle/gifts).



> Happy ending this time, okay?
> 
> I promise.
> 
> *crosses fingers behind back*
> 
> To experience the full power of the fic, play the song while reading it. It's "Awake and Alive" by Skillet.

_I'm at war with the world and they_

_Try to pull me into the dark_

 

**A Child**

My brother and I am bullied by many other countries. Cousin France, cousin Spain, Mister Austria, and that potato bastard Holy Roman Empire.

Then Grandpa Rome takes us away. We spend time with him but I get neglected. He loves Veneziano for his talent at art and farming, and I stay in the background.

I stay away from people because, contrary to what people think, I do love. I love too much, get too attached- that's my problem. As long as I push people away they can't get too attached, right?

 

Later, on our last day, Grandpa Rome takes me aside and tells me, in no uncertain terms, that he loves me and that I'm worth it. He says I can be anything, do anything. I should not be afraid to love, to be vulnerable. 

I want to believe him, but like Feli, I've seen his scars. I know what happens when you become vulnerable, when you lay yourself bare for friends and enemies alike to see. You get betrayed, hurt, broken. 

When you're kind like Grandpa Rome and Feli, then you become overtrusting. You confuse enemies for friends and set yourself up to be hurt.

 

The next day, Grandpa fades.

Germania killed him.

 

_I struggle to find faith_

_As I'm slippin' from your arms_

 

**A Capture**

I leave Grandpa Rome's house and get captured by Spain. I have to leave Feli behind. I don't want to be torn away from my little brother. He's the only family I have left- I must protect him.

But I can't. I'm a complete weakling and a coward and unable to fight anyone.  

 

So I go to Spain's house and find a harsh master. He has his good moments, that's for certain, but he can be very cruel. He is part pirate, after all, no matter how cultured the rest of his people are.

His rages are traumatizing. The memories of them will haunt me for the rest of my life, as well as the scars. However, it's nothing compared to what I hear rumors of happening to the rest of his colonies.

But after each rage he turns back into a kind, happier version of himself. He apologizes and tries to help me feel better (the number of tomatoes he offers me is astounding), and makes jokes and tells me stories. He comforts me when thunderstorms come and lets me take lots of breaks, but it's still not enough to make me forget.

He's as broken as I am.

 

_It's getting harder to stay awake_

_and my strength is fading fast_

_you breathe into me at last_

 

**A Silence**

Spain comes home from work, covered in scars and wounds. I take his hand and drag him to his bed to bandage his wounds. He's silent, so unlike either his happy self or his pirate self, and I'm actually frightened. 

Then, when I'm almost done bandaging his wounds, he speaks in a whispering, uncertain voice. "Do you care about me, Romano?"

"Of course not, you bastard!" I shout automatically. _Don't you tell him,_ I order myself,   _Don't you dare tell him how you cry every time he leaves and you pray and worry for him until he gets back. Don't you fucking dare show any sign of weakness because weakness is a chain reaction and if you're weak once you'll never be able to stop yourself from being weak again._

Then he falls asleep once I'm done, his head in my tiny lap, and he says something I won't forget for hundreds of years.

"You're cute, Roma," He mutters, far gone on his way to sleep, sliding down into dreams.

My face burns with embarrassment, but for some reason my heart soars.

 

_I'm awake I'm alive_

_Now I know what I believe inside_

 

**A Fall**

I have slowly fallen in love with my Boss as his rages have become less and less, despite what I promised myself when I was younger. I swore I would never grow close to anyone, would never fall in love, but _dammit_ , that's exactly what I've done.

His smiles and hugs and his jokes and his green, green eyes are no longer annoying, they are endearing. No matter how much I try to ignore or push him away he just keeps coming back, grinning that stupid smile of his and flashing those bright green eyes. He's too oblivious to understand that I'm trying to get him to stay away so he doesn't get hurt.

 

_Now it's my time_

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

_Here (right here), right now (right now)_

 

**A Unification**

I have to leave him. Today is the day my brother and I finally see each other again. I've been waiting for years to see him, but all he does is cry. Some damn child of Germania went and died and broke his heart.

I'm mad and sad and frustrated all at once, but not necessarily at Veneziano. I'm just tired of always being the second most important one. Even a dead person gets more attention than me!

The only person who I wasn't second important to was Spain. He always cared about me, and now he's gone. All I have left is a grieving, weak brother, and a quickly-becoming-obsolete Pope.

Some may refer to our Unification as my birthday, but they're wrong. It's the day I begin dying.

 

_I'll stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake and I'm alive_

 

**A Night**

One of Serbia's rebels shoots Austria's future boss and a war erupts, dragging in nations from around the world. Trenches mar the face of Europe, the skies burn with gunfire, and the oceans run red. An entire generation of young, promising men is crippled.

My brother and I are on the side of the Allies. I'm appalled with what the world is turning into. Britain is still a snob, France flirts with everyone, Russia stares you down with an icy glare that distracts you from the fact that he has a revolution going on inside him, and when America joins he insists on being the hero and leading us all. Sure, he has a pretty good army, but has far too much of Britain's pompousness for my liking. The only ally I can remotely tolerate is shy Japan, the only major Asian country on our side.

Mercifully, Spain is neutral. Since he has stopped being a pirate he's not as strong as he used to be, and if the idiota gets himself hurt by Germany then there would be hell to pay- both for Germany and for Spain.

I still haven't told him that I fell in love with him back then. I've been trying to ignore my feelings and push them away, but by God I can't fully do it.

 

_I'm at war with the world cause I_

_Ain't never gonna sell my soul_

_I've already made up my mind_

_No matter what I can't be bought or sold_

 

**A Demon**

The Great War is over. It's back to normal business- making sure the Mafia idiots don't kill themselves.

I'm the boss of all bosses, and some of the superstitious mafia believe I'm a demon of some sort. They should- I swear like a pirate ( I lived with Spain, trust me, I know), fight like an animal when cornered, and am practically immortal. I can depose them of their roles leading the syndicates at any time I want- my word is gold.

Here I am in charge, with a fearsome reputation, but at least I'm honest. I'll knock someone out for messing with me but I won't trick them for a shipment. I smoke occasionally but I'm not addicted, and I don't deal with women's flirting or _that_ kind of stuff. I'm not selling my soul to crime or gambling like the other bastards.

I may be viewed as a violent hell-sent demon, but at least I'm honest. 

Well, about everything except _that_...

 

_When my faith is getting weak_

_And I feel like giving in_

_You breathe into me again_

 

**A Death**

Dying hurts less than you'd think. I'm fading away as only one of us can become the one Italy, and Veneziano deserves it more than me. I'll fade, and everyone will forget. I've accepted it, though it pains me.

I hole up my room for the last few days. No one notices, and it pains me. I'm almost gone, the light almost here, when the door opens.

"Roma?" Spain's concerned voice asks, poking his head into the darkened room.

"Yeah, bastard?" I reply, my words barely escaping past my cracked, dry lips. The blanket loosely pulled around my shoulders barely keeps out the draft that enters when he does. I duck my head to keep the light out, and then listen as the door clicks shut and moments later the mattress creaks as Spain sits down.

"You're dying, aren't you?" He asks after sitting in silence for a moment. He sounds sad, or is that just me?

"No shit," I reply. I can't even work up enough effort to come up with a better comeback.

Suddenly I feel my chin being lifted up and I find myself looking into Spain's green eyes, shining in the dim light of the room. "Roma, you're dying," He says seriously, but not unkindly. It's like his two personalities have melded, leaving him somewhere in the middle, "You shouldn't make light of it. And...there's something I need to tell you before you go." He pauses, seemingly gathering his words, and then leans in without warning. His lips hit mine, and a rush of heat rushes through me. I lean in, summoning up the energy to wrap my arms around him, and as this wonderful feeling blooms inside my chest, I dissolve from his arms.

 

_I'm awake I'm alive_

_Now I know I believe inside_  

 

**A Memory**

He cries when I disappear from his arms, clutching the blanket to his chest.

And everyone else forgets.

 

_Now it's my time_

 

**A Light**

It's floating there enticingly, a ball of light. I reach out to touch it, and suddenly I'm falling forward into the warm, peaceful light, all pain gone.

 

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

 

**A God**

The pain is gone.

"Welcome home, Romano," The angel says. He looks like that annoying Western country, America, but America could never have a smile that warm and genuine, that look of intelligence and kindness about him. He extends a hand to me. "There are people waiting for you."

 _Grandpa_ , I think happily, and I take his hand.

 

_Here (right here), right now (right now)_

 

**A Story**

Time passes for those on earth, many centuries of stories and countries. Here in heaven it's like watching a TV program as wars are fought and treaties made and 'progress' achieved. The human race is tearing itself part down there, including my Spain. He cried when I died, and somehow, against all odds, it seems like he remembers me. I worry about him sometimes.

I'll wait for you, Spain, just like I waited for you to come home during your Conquistador days.

 

_I'll stand my ground and never back down_

 

**A Date**

Veneziano finally got up the courage to ask out Germany. I hate the bastard, but good job, brother. You finally worked up the guts.

Germany, take care of him for me. He needs someone to help him Stay on track.

 

_I know what I believe inside_

 

**A Legend**

I saw Holy Rome the other day. He says he misses Italy, and he doesn't care that his love is a boy.

I don't blame him- I do too, on both accounts.

 

_I'm awake and I'm alive_

 

**A Man**

In the end you are a man as well as a country, Spain, and all men must die.

Your time has come.

 

_Waking up waking up_

 

**A Trip**

Reach for the light. I'll see you soon.

 

_Waking up waking up_

 

**A God**

Don't worry, it's not that bad.

God can be annoying as hell, and he sounds a bit too much like Vatican City for my liking, but I think you'll enjoy it, with all your relentless optimism.

 

_Waking up waking up_

 

**A Kiss**

I missed you, Spain.

It was sad to see you die, but now I can finally talk to you again.

Maybe another kiss?

 

_Waking up waking up_

 

**A Homecoming**

Open your eyes, my love, and come on in.

I'm here.

I'm waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> It is assumed that Romano died sometime between 1929 and 1939. He references the Vatican City (which was formed in 1929) but does not get around to talking about World War II.
> 
> Okay, same as with the first story- please comment/ leave kudos if you like the story or want to suggest a song. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing Britain next (Fix You by Coldplay) or Russia (Beware the Frozen Heart from Frozen) or Spain (Viva la Vida by Coldplay).  
> I know you guys are probably bored with minor characters but their stories speak to me, as well as the fact that there's more leeway to work with.
> 
> Feel free to suggest songs for characters!
> 
> And did you sob? I sobbed and I'm the one who wrote it.


End file.
